Wise words

The following statement is an email received from my friend

Lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem is a negative emotion or delusion, as it exaggerates one's limitations in capacity and potential for growth. Every sentient being has the potential to become a better person, to be good and wholesome. Human potential is the same for all. The feeling, "I am of no value", is wrong. We all have the power of thought. If we have willpower, then we can change anything. We are our own master.

Lack of self-confidence results from guilt, anger turned inward, unrealistic expectations of perfection, false sense of humility, fear of change or making mistakes, etc. Depression can result of a lack of self-confidence

We must have greater mindfulness to have a better grasp of reality. When we have low self-esteem, we underestimate our actual qualities and abilities. We belittle or put ourselves down. This leads to a complete loss of faith in ourselves

In Buddhism, in order to be cured from the problems in cyclic existence, we ourselves need to follow the precepts and advice given by the Buddha and control/subdue our greed, hatred and ignorance. No one can find Enlightenment by simply singing praises of the Buddha or by making offerings to him. Neither does mere prayer lead to enlightenment. We need to strive hard by controlling our selfish desires and emotions in order to find a permanent solution to our problems.

Low self-esteem can actually be a form of laziness!

The first aspect is not doing something because of indolence, even though we know that it is good and ought to be done.

The second aspect is faintheartedness when we underestimate our qualities and abilities, thinking, "I'm so incompetent and weak. It would be good to do that, but I could never accomplish it." Not having the confidence of thinking, "I can do it," we end up doing nothing.

The third aspect refers to being very busy and seemingly diligent, but wasting time and energy on meaningless activities that will not accomplish anything in the long run. When we fail to focus on what is truly worthwhile then our path has no clear direction.

Question: BUT what if we have committed a serious negative act, how can we let go of the feeling of guilt that may follow?

- We start by admitting that we are not perfect, and will make mistakes just like everyone else.

- Be humorous - laugh at our mistakes, eager to learn, to change and not be afraid of making mistakes.

- In emotionally beating ourselves up, we are not helping anyone; it does not change the past, nor does it change the future; it only makes the present miserable. SOME ANTIDOTES TO LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE
- Analyse reality to discover that "life is not perfect, I am not perfect (yet), and neither are other people".

- Give up unrealistic expectations of needing to be perfect right now, then forgiving and having compassion for ourselves becomes possible. If we do not even forgive ourselves, who will? First forgive ourselves then seek forgiveness from the person/s we offended; Apologizing means acknowledging our mistakes, our harmful intent, and our lack of mindfulness. It is psychologically healthy and relieves us from guilt, allowing us to progress in the present rather than staying stuck in the past. It is spiritually healthy because it enables us to learn from our mistakes and thus to live better in the future.

- Study and meditate on the 4 Noble Truths, realising that if we do not take any action, nothing will ever improve.

- Meditate on impermanence: everything changes, even my bad "I" can change for the better!

- Meditate on kamma: the only way that things will get better is to do something positive.

- Start with a positive commitment to ourselves which we are certain we will manage to keep.
And this begins with the Five Precepts, which are:

1. to refrain from intentionally killing;
2. to refrain from stealing;
3. to refrain from illicit sex, that is, sexual intercourse outside of a stable, committed relationship;
4. to refrain from lying;
5. to refrain from intoxicants (such as alcohol and psychotropic agents)
   

These precepts constitute the giant step on the path to recovery, part of a therapy for wounded minds.

In particular, they are aimed at curing two ailments that underlie low self-esteem and block progress on the path - regret and denial. We either regret some past actions or engage in denial.
These responses are like wounds in the mind. Regret is an open wound, tender to the touch, while denial is like hardened scar tissue twisted around a tender spot. This is where the Five Precepts come in. Healthy self-esteem comes from living up to a set of standards that is practical, clear-cut, humane, and worthy of respect. The standards are simple and are always possible to live by.

The Buddha understood that if you give people standards that take a little effort and mindfulness but are still possible to meet, their self-esteem soars dramatically as they find themselves actually meeting those standards. They can then face more demanding tasks with confidence.

The Angulimala Sutta is probably the best-known Buddhist text on crime and the reform of a serial killer; a man who had killed 999 people could still overcome his guilt, remorse and restlessness to become a perfect being - an Arahant. In comparison, whatever wrongs we may have committed is certainly less drastic than this and if we want to, we can change too.

" Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but for the patience to win my freedom."